Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
