6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
