I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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