Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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