My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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