He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
