2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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