someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
