i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
