singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
