Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
