Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
