I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
