I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
