Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
