thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
