This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
