need another drink. this is the easiest way
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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