You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
