Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
