so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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