My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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