Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
