I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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