so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
