if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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