It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
