Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
