I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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