in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
