I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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