How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
