I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
