That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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