Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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