Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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