Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
