At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize