Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
