My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
