I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
