not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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