Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize