Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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