Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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