apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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