does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
