FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
