a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize