Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i have two assholes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
