can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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