Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think your dad took our porno
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
