I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
