You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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