I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
