Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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