Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
