Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Someone shattered a urinal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
