"it" just moved
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
