Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
