3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
