he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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