I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
