mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
