I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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