it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
