So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
