I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
