totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
did i walk over a car last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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