he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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