Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
this will be a night to untag.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
