Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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