Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
