Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
