She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
