Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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