My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
