Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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