She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
