I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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