Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
