We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
