You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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