He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
