I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
