How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize