Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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