so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize