literally had 100 drinks last night.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
