One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
