Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
