Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
