How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
