i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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