I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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