Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize