Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
