i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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