im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize