i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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