you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need a beard to bite.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
