So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
