Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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