i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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