Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
God, I missed his penis.
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